i'm not on thefacebook.com.

This is an increasingly awkwardly‑socialized life choice.

It's not because i don't love you! i love you.

It's because i prefer keeping in touch not‑at‑all to keeping in touch passively, cravenly, masturbatorially, on terms mediated and culturally sanctioned by a company that sets the industry standards in Alarming Privacy Infringements. And i am a paranoid person. You know that about me, because you love me.

Do i think *you're* a craven etc. etc.? What? No! We were talking about me here. Why are you derailing the conversation????? You're only what you feel, baby! And i know what i felt like when i was part of that website's social network, back in the W Bush era.

When i want to learn things about you without like actually emailing or texting or something then i will go out there and Google for it. That's just the kind of active, hunter‑gathering, go‑getting masturbator that i am.

Thank you for understanding :)