Speed of Late.

november 12th, 2019

Everyone says it goes by so fast, that the days are long and the years are short. Well i am here to report that i am feeling every focking day.

A year ago this time when i weighed fifty pounds more than i weigh now: that time feels like one year ago and no sooner.

Recently i've been in touch with one of my beloved high school teachers. i remember his classes well, but that time feels twenty years ago and no sooner.

This afternoon i'll be hanging out with a friend i made nine years ago when i first moved to Chicago. Our friendship feels nine years old and no younger. Last week she saw me wearing eyeliner and lip gloss, something i rarely do except for shows. “You're wearing makeup! A LOT!” she said. Nine years of knowing my face.

i read Moonwalking with Einstein a couple months ago. One of the better points of the book is that living an interesting life helps improve memory because it gives the mind indelible markers. i wonder if my experience of an untelecoped life is a function of my time in so many cities, so many romances, so many countries.

The coming years of my life will almost certainly have no new city residences and no new romances. Countries to be determined. But so far time remains long and unrolled, despite all the lost sleep.

Maybe it's the reduced caffeine? Maybe that was always the key to feeling every day? As of last month i'm back on full coffee, two years of daily decaf come to an end. i'm about to hit a second large cappuccino and wreck myself.

October 2018 January 2020