Poem: I Met a Reptile Man.

january 27th, 2014.

Here's the poem I read at the Green Mill last night:

Music: Ego Grinding by Megatroid

I met a reptile man in an age of oblivion
snug smug amongst the fathers
and the fathers' fathers
a dinosaur with a human face
he had recently gone paleo

He said, I'm the only millionaire who
shits on a compost toilet
I said, citation needed

He said, I'm a poet too
but I will never sing my poems the way
I once screamed at secretaries
I will never do it like my life is at stake

I met a reptile man!

At Thanksgiving with twenty something twenty-somethings
hey let's all say something we give thanks for
there was uncomfortable laughter
like that was a joke, no one spoke
they ate the bird ingraciously
the media is right
Bill Cosby is right
Aaron Sorkin is right
this is indeed the worst generation

The reptile man says,
the thing about the worst generation
I keep getting older
and they stay the same age
I met a reptile man!

Conversation turned to Cuba
Cuba who we called an enemy state
put a gun to their face
said we're putting a prison here
and it will be built like a barbed wire Costco
and these are the three square feet
and from here on a clear day they might glimpse
the Caribbean Sea
and this is where we'll put the barracks for children

Did you know? They put children in Guantanamo
Musta been the most dangerous teens
the world has ever seen
They put children in Guantanamo!
This is not a metaphor!
They put children in Guantanamo
There are no children in Guantanamo Bay today
They grew up
They're in the big boy barracks now

The reptile man says,
if they didn't do anything wrong
they have nothing to fear

I met a reptile man!
He had an erection
He was not happy see me
He said playing with your phone
is an acceptable form of public masturbation
I have an iPad, he hisssssssed

The reptile man says
I like to do sudoku
filling in numbers at random
does that horrify you
yesssssssss I whisper
afraid at the fork newly perforating my tongue

Horror is in vogue
like self-hatred is in vogue
like contempt is in vogue
But all contempt is self-contempt
All hatred is self-hatred
All destruction, self-destruction
All fish, selfish
Every week, shark week
Every ha, Buddha
Every to do list, a bucket list, ultimately
Every day hard, like just to live, is hard
like my dick is hard
It's not on me, it's at home
It's eternally hard

The reptile man says,
I can tell a lot about a woman, hard or soft
by the way she draws a dragon
Where she draws the wings
Where are your wings dear
Sing with me now
I met a reptile man.