Blade Runner 2: More Blade.

october 14th, 2017

Sweet Vlad and i went to see the new Blade Runner movie last night. Here are all the spoiler‑laden tweets i restrained myself from tweeting:

it's fun to see Robin Wright make jokes and say like "runnin" and "goin" a real workaday lieutenen
6:45 PM - Oct 13 2017

the new Voight-Kampff test is dumb. CELLS. CELLS. CELLS. 6:50 PM - Oct 13 2017

you know what this movie needs more of? more SHIVVING women in the belly 7:03 PM - Oct 13 2017

ok that was a joke but another woman just took a shiv in the belly (gross) 7:05 PM - Oct 13 2017

LUV seeing Barkhad Abdi as The Finn from Neuromancer et al! 7:38 PM - Oct 13 2017

they TEASE live goats but they never show any this movie doesn't have the Goa/UTS 7:39 PM - Oct 13 2017

imagine this same movie but using male sexuality. male robo prostitutes. electric boyfriends. butts and wangs 8:01 PM - Oct 13 2017

soft male body w lingering shots of his butt and wang, mirrored-contacts Claire Danes caresses his forehead, shivs him in the belly 8:01 PM - Oct 13 2017

Claire Danes replaces Jared Leto (obv) 8:02 PM - Oct 13 2017

Robin Wright texts Ryan Gosling, "you up?"
Robin Wright in Ryan Gosling's kitchen, whispers the secret password that makes him take his clothes off
(we wish) 8:19 PM - Oct 13 2017

his new name is JOE?? why not ADAM why not ISAAC why not SIDDHARTA why not RYAN 8:23 PM - Oct 13 2017

you know what this movie needs more of? more bare female butts 8:24 PM - Oct 13 2017

you never see hairy lady butts in film. but they're real and people like them. don't ask how i know 8:25 PM - Oct 13 2017

now we're in the radioactive ruins of Las Vegas. you know what Las Vegas has now? giant statues of naked women 8:38 PM - Oct 13 2017

what if they were statues of naked men kneeling, backs arched, in thrall to each other? 8:39 PM - Oct 13 2017

... the perfect hiding spot in this fragile masculine world. the replicants could form an intentional community and chill there forever in peace 8:39 PM - Oct 13 2017

Ryan Gosling sticks his hand in a beehive, very fearlessly robotic, a big setback in his quest for a human soul 8:40 PM - Oct 13 2017

we're not gonna see even a little of Ryan Gosling's wang in this movie are we. we're not gonna see his bare FOREARMS 8:42 PM - Oct 13 2017

geeze ok finally it's DECKARD TIME let's get this blade RUNNIN 9:10 PM - Oct 13 2017

Ryan Gosling smashes his whiskey glass to the floor. "you're a better dad to that DOG than to your own SON, DAD!" 9:29 PM - Oct 13 2017

Harrison walks away, dog follows. Ryan Gosling screams, "you're a better dad to the BEES!!" 9:29 PM - Oct 13 2017

Ryan Gosling's ringtone is Peter's motif in Peter and the Wolf and he's reading Nabakov ... 9:50 PM - Oct 13 2017

... but don't go readin into that! this is not a movie that rewards reading 9:51 PM - Oct 13 2017

Ryan Gosling getting flirts from a giant naked hologram, this movie teases some Japanese giant porn but they don't have the GUTS to show it 10:10 PM - Oct 13 2017

people like Japanese giant porn. don't ask how i know 10:10 PM - Oct 13 2017

Ryan Gosling drowns Rachel T-1000. i get that the replicants bleed but do they actually breathe? air? 10:45 PM - Oct 13 2017

overall i'm surprised that it's so much blam-blam shoot-to-kill replicants and not, like, targeted EMP cannons 10:46 PM - Oct 13 2017

well it's been five hours and we're at the end of the movie when Ryan Gosling dies a Roy Batty death in the snow having delivered Harrison Ford to a woman he loves 11:45 PM - Oct 13 2017

and then afterward Bubble Girl Hera Agathon links up with the robo resistance i guess 11:45 PM - Oct 13 2017

shout out to some cinematic references: 12:01 AM - Oct 14 2017

shout out to Her — electric girlfriend hiring a realspace prostitute 12:01 AM - Oct 14 2017

shout out to Ghost — same scene 12:01 AM - Oct 14 2017

shout out to Mad Max — feral children greeting the wanderer 12:02 AM - Oct 14 2017

shout out to The Dark Knight Rises with the tricky flashback, little boy is a little girl ohhhhh don't you feel like a gender essentialist now viewer GOTCHYA 12:03 AM - Oct 14 2017

shout out to the actors, set designers, and technical people, Blade Runner 2 is a dumb movie but that's not on you 12:04 AM - Oct 14 2017