september 13th, 2013.
Tomorrow is my birthday, everyone! You can wish me happy birthday @ericaricardo.
I love physical mail, but most of the mail I get is junk. For the last couple years I've made a habit of using the enclosed self-addressed envelopes (often conveniently postage-paid) to write back to the junkers.
Below is the letter I wrote today. It's typical, altho the ones to credit card solicitors are more out-of-control bombastic/wildly emotional.
Dear The Economist,
Please remove me from your print solicitation list. When/if I wanna get in touch, I'll get in touch. I have access to the world's information, you see.
Where'd you get my address, anyway? Harper's? Is that where? Those bastards.
Anyway. You see this return address sticker? That was also junkmail, from the Red Cross. They also bought my address from somewhere (Harper's!) (those bastards!) and then sent the stickers along with a donation form like I wouldn't notice that I'm just a commodity, just a number in their direct mail numbers game.
It's not like I don't get it, The Economist. You're hustling the way you've always hustled. Because it works. Even if only like 4% of us mopes respond, it works. Because paper, and by extension water, is cheap. But they won't be cheap for much longer. And then you'll have to get creative. Not “you”: The Economist, “you”: the person reading this. Get creative just to survive. Jobs like you have right now, answering mail? They won't exist anymore. And my job, freelance web designer? Forget it!!!
Anyway. I enjoyed subscribing to you in 2008, but with all the projects I've got goin' on I can barely make sure I read Harper's every month (love Harper's). What I'm sain' is I've got all the Old Media I can handle these days. And until The Economist starts printing a killer puzzle (crossword, cryptic crossword, something really juicy and tender like that) (or even like one of the Car Talk puzzlers! Free form) I'm not interested, and I don't want to receive your junkmail.
Thank you for reading. Your cool [sic].